Another year of my life is ending and it's a little scary to be entering that phase of my life where when I tell a teenager how old I am they will totally pretend like I am of another generation. Well, that is that. As I have established long ago, I hate, absolutely hate New Years. The constant pressure to be happy - I just don't get it. Maybe my life is horribly sad and I always end up feeling.. "Man, another twelve months wasted without doing one good thing." or everyone else is too easy on themselves. (Which, in my opinion, is great.) It's just not me. I want to have a few basic things in my life cut out and boy every time it's December 31st, I feel horrible for not even being remotely close to it.
This year I am going to try something new. I am going to focus on the few positive aspects and try to make them to work for me. I am going to hope really hard I make it to a school I want to go to, I want to have scholarships so that I dont end up paying a crazy loan. I want my best friend to be here with me. I want my family to be happy. I want my mom to complete her masters and get a job that she deserves. I want my dad to find a great job so that he allows himself to buy something unbelievably expensive. I want my sister to achieve like crazy. To achieve all there is to and to do whatever she wants to. I want to be confident in myself. I am thankful for all that I have. I have people who love me, who care about me so much that they'd go out of their way to make me happy. I want them to be happy.
I am not going to be the beacon of happiness, maybe not. I worry too much to be that. I do promise, however, that I am going to try, try so hard to achieve all that I am supposed to, according to me. I will not feel insecure and I will not compare my career path to someone else's. I will not worry that I am 23 already and have nothing figured out. I wont do that. I am going to be happy because I do have all the reasons to be happy.
I am going to be happy that I can bake and cook. I can read. I atleast have an admit from one place. I have a job. I can buy things if I want to, feed myself. I am educated. I have an enthusiasm to learn. I have a wonderful sense of humour. Yes. Happiness is not going to come hard to me in 2014, hopefully.
I spent 2013 being insecure and fidgety, not making any friends and just doubting myself. It led me nowhere. I need to believe in myself because I can be awesome. I will be so. :)
Bring it on, 2013. I'm ready for it to be 2014.
PS: Just dont text me at 31st at 12 AM. I love my sleep. Amen.
