Like Always

For the thousandth time in the day, Ananya picked up her cellphone and dialed the number she knew so well, that she could recite it even when she was fast asleep.

And like the past nine hundred and ninety nine times, she cut the call.

It was the clearest of all the clear blue mornings, the sun was just barely peeking out and there was just a slight breeze. In short, a perfect day.

For anyone but Ananya Arora. She was sitting cross-legged, by the window side, blinking back her tears, trying to absorb the gravity of the situation, of the promise she had made to herself. The promise to not sit back and watch how everyone she ever loved or cared about came and just carelessly trampled and walked all over her. She had finally, after nineteen years of her morbid life finally promised to take charge. Finally. To control the situations that affected her. Repeatedly and deeply.

And calling Vivek was just one of the many things she had to do to achieve her goal.Yet, she had failed again. Just like the past nineteen years, she was on the verge of letting herself down.

Even as her mind was constantly nagging her to pick up the phone , and make that important call, her heart wanted to amend that well rehearsed conversation to make it less hurtful for both of them. Even if, deep inside she knew that however she modified it, the blunt truth would never change. That if she didn’t do it this time, she wouldn’t be able to do it ever again. That she’ll be misused yet again.

Slowly, testing each centimeter of the well worn wooden floor, she got up. Determined to tell Vivek about the billion incidents, fellings, outbursts, emotions that she had bottled up inside her for so long. She picked up her phone and was staring at the tiny lighted screen…

Her phone rang.

Her heart quivered. It was Vivek. She picked up the call and placed the phone next to her ear, to follow the conversation.

Vivek: I won the match babaaaay!

Ananya: Congrats, Viv..

Vivek: You okay? You sound.. Faraway..!

Ananya: …Yes.. I am..alright.. I guess..

Vivek: Okay, so it was such a fast paced match, An! You should have been there! I mean I thought we were so going to lose.. Can you believe? I mean the other team was thrashing us… “

And yet again, she slipped into the painful oblivion, promising herself yet again, to tell him the next time.

Like always.