Monday, November 14, 2011

'We're Modern!''

A lot of times, when we (read: educated 20 somethings) witness an outrageous event like eve-teasing, or curse the 'orthodox' people for being so narrow minded about relationships, live-ins, short skirts and so on, we all presume one thing; that all of us do not and will never support such things. We shall try to abolish such practices and be the harbinger of liberal and open thinking. Do we not?
But as we grow old, we realise that only some of us are actually brave enough to do such things. Only some of us have actually imbibed the thought of not doing crazy things that have been practiced since time immemorial and following the herd.

Of course it sounds absurd to our educated egos. One might think, 'I don't support female foeticide or sati, so how am I still backward?' But, then that's the truth. Almost 90% of still are stuck in the time warp that bridges the sane, practical living from the insane ones.

It all started a few months ago. The realisation, that is. I never knew that a lot of the modern families still accept dowry! The more the bridegroom's degrees and/or salary, the more is the dowry.
'Why?', I enquired.
'Darling, that's his worth!', pat came the reply.
I probed further with my naive logical reasoning. If the groom was earning well, why did he need more money? Wasn't that, in simple terms, stupid? Apparently not, I was told.

Two months after that, I was discussing the perennial 'when I get married..' with my friend. (Every girl does that, so that's not the appalling part!) I was telling him that I want to get married at the Plaza. He said jokingly, how rich are you? I replied in all my seriousness that I'd try earning enough to pay my share. He asked me, 'what share?' I elaborated that both of us will pay half, so my share of that. He rolled his eyes at me and scoffed. He told me that I'd never get married if I didn't change my thought process!

Yes, I had seen in the never ending soap operas that the girl's family pays for the wedding. I always thought that it was something really crazy. I mean, her parents educate her. Some even spend their life savings for that. When she's able enough to earn, they part from her. Leaving emotions and equality behind, and just doing the math, the groom should pay for it!
You don't agree, do you? See what I mean?


Pesto Sauce said...

Some things seeped in tradition are hard to change. It is mostly reponsibility of girl's parents to organise entire wedding

Strange but true and don't curse me

Miss Sunshine said...

it should not be, right?

is it the girl alone who's getting married?
is the guy just hanging around in the dark corners till the wedding ends?

no, right?

Jaideep said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaideep said...

I totally agree with the first 3-4 paragraphs. Like, without a doubt. There's no logic whatsoever in giving dowry to a guy who's already earning in, let's say, 6 figures. He won't be needing it to "start a new life". It would just be to satisfy his and his family's greed.

But, i am afraid to say that i totally disagree with you on the last two paragraphs. Like, the logic is totally absurd, to say the least. A wedding ceremony is a celebration. Organized by the brides' family. To celebrate and share the happiness of union of two people. So, it is meant as a big affair with loads of people eating and talking and in short, having fun! Hence continues this tradition, or, practice.
The grooms family normally do not invite people outside of their immediate family. This is done because of the fact that this ceremony is organized by the brides' family. The grooms' family organizes a similar function on their part called a 'Reception'. After the marriage, this is generally the opportunity for the couple to meet people from both sides. This is an equally glamorous event as is a wedding ceremony. I don't think people usually leave anything behind for such kinds of events. Any stone left unturned. So, it just becomes fair. That is how it is meant to be and that is how it goes on. I don't think there is any injustice or unfairness involved in this kind of distribution.

And, the grooms parents also educate him. Do they not? Why create such melodrama over a girl getting educated. In today's society, every girl is educated and upto the same level as any other guy. The money spent by the families is same. Or, do the women have to pay extra for their graduation, etc? Hmmm? People spend their life savings for their children regardless of their gender. Be it a boy or a girl. Gosh!

And, you know in today's scenario, it is no more like the guy goes to live at his home and just the girl leaves her home post-marriage. If you'd look around, you'd get to know that nowadays the guy and the girl both leave their respective households and start a new life together. Without any bias of where they are going to start from! So, i think that the emotional "trauma" faced by both families and the girl and the boy are the same. And, you just cannot say no to such a scenario.
And, do you know, there are many other costs that are involved in a marriage other than just the organizing costs. If you'd be a part of such a thing, you'd know!

After their wedding, do you know, nowadays the honeymoon is sponsored nearly always by the groom. Without a contribution from the girls' side. Out of his own will. Nobody cries out loud for that. No. Melodrama nahi create hoga na. Sigh.

So, i would like to conclude by saying that your logic was pretty stupid and illogical for the last two paragraphs. And, if you are gonna brand me a male chauvinist or anything like that, I would just laugh on your face as i know that i have given lots of logics and reasons for the way I feel.

So, think about what you wrote. And may this somehow change the way you think, in a positive manner.

Miss Sunshine said...

Ah, Mister.

Love the amount of useless thought you've put into it. Love it. Absolutely.

That does not make your right, though. I told you that it's outrageous for any single party to pay.

You can do something like, um, SHARING.

and, of course I never even want to be involved in something so shallow.

I will not bother myself with all your crazy melodramas, so that's about it.

Jaideep said...

Yes. The thoughts that I put in are useless and whatever you've written is absolutely priceless. Ha-ha!

What I had been trying to prove is that there is not just one single party that has to share. Both the parties share. Only if you'd have read what i wrote.

Yes. You would obviously call it shallow. Stupid female melodrama that you've to create!

Believe what you have to believe, only time will tell who is right and who is wrong!

Apurva said...

why did you take it personally?
was the post addressed to you?

And, well, in case you didn't notice, it's my blog.
so yes, very priceless.

thank you very much.