Friday, November 8, 2013

One Last Time

"Last time. One last time."

He was her best friend. Stereotypically a best friend is someone you have spent your childhood with. Someone you have shared crayons, countdowns to the release of every Harry Potter book, tears when Sirius died, stolen a basket for that stray kitty and made your first omelette with. She had all these memories intact.. but they weren't with him. He was new. New to her roller coaster life. New to her wild ways, new to her over enthusiastic excitement over a little stray puppy and a blank expression for her first salary. New to her emotional outbursts and the ferocity that accompanied her love.. She was outgoing, crazy, but in a constant struggle to shut her despair. She was someone else.. till he breathed reality into her.

He was not like the usual males of his age. He was shy. Reserved. A complete introvert. Never the one to make plans, or go out, simply because he never thought someone would want to spend all their time with him. He couldn't remember routes, or name his favourites without thinking hard. He didn't know how to hug..simply because he had never hugged anyone. He was scared to emote. He was in a constant disagreement with her that he was the most amazing person on this planet. He grew up struggling to present the tough guy demeanor and succeeded.. till she took the reins for him.

They became friends due to the need. The need to lean on someone who is completely unknown to your life and non judgmental. The need to have a breather from the monotonous life. They were each other's confidante, secret guilty pleasures. Someone who knew the bare, ugly soul of yours and accepted it without any questions. It was not a fairy tale. It was the need for an anchor combined with the moroseness that led them to take shelter in each other. She didn't trust anyone and he wasn't scared to probe into her shell. He was curious about her, she was mad at herself for letting someone in her real life. He saw her differently. He saw right through every painstakingly built wall of hers. She let him. She introduced him to herself. The real self. Texts, calls, tears, alcohol and mostly, loneliness nurtured the impulse to share everything with each other. They encouraged each other. Made each other feel on top of the world when the whole world was spitting on them. He always had his handkerchief ready to wipe her tears and she never hesitated to take his hand when life wasn't being fair. She stood up for him.. He started opening up to her. It was still the need driving them.. but now the little sprouts of her fierce protection and his calming loyalty had started cropping up. The need to catch each other's eye in a crowded room was being fuelled by something else other than friendship..

She loved him. She loved him for all that he was. She loved him for the beautiful friendship he had tended for her. He loved her too. He loved her simply because she was the first one not to walk right past him. She knew he loved her, he knew he could whisk her away. But, it wasn't a fairytale. It wasn't easy. They were too important for each other. They couldn't let this muddle of emotions strangle their friendship.  It was a glass house they had built together. The envy of others, beautiful..but fragile. One wrong move and it would all fall apart beyond repair. They let it be.. Tried to. They tried and never made it till the end of their resolution. They tried every trick in the book, stayed apart, tried to stop talking.. tried making new friends.. all the while thinking of each other. they gave in. One emotional conversation and a day spent in each others company later, they started seeing other.

It was not the way the expected it to be. The love grew.. It grew in leaps and bounds and a little more than it should have. Their friendship dwindled due to the lack of compatibility as a romantic partner. She was devoted.. He needed his space. All their togetherness faded into nothingness. Their similarities came biting back. The opposites attract statement started making a lot of sense suddenly. Their egos, their hot headed behaviour.. combined with the affection they still had.. Left them in a strange land. They couldn't exist without each other, but being with each other seemed impossible. She started thinking he didn't love her anymore, he thought she didn't want him the way she did before. They struggled, broke apart, ran back into each other's arms because they realised it was the most stupid, senseless thing they ever did for each other.

Things weren't smooth. They never were. Neither through their friendship, nor through their romantic plunge. He dumped her again, she didn't beg him this time. They were fighting with themselves, and why not? They had a long history together. They still talked.. but it wasn't the same anymore. They barely called each other and the texts were formal and forced. He thought of her laughter. She dreamt about his shy smile. They kept it to themselves. She was about to go away, continents away and they both thought it was all over. It was a dream and they were now being woken up to a giant hole in their lives. They were left to figure out which parts of it were real and which were imaginary. There was nothing they agreed on.. except the belief that it was all going to be over.

It was her last day with him. Being in his physical presence. Being with him in flesh and bones. Her bags were packed, her tickets printed. She was all ready. She even had her shoes on. He had started working. She didn't think he'll make it.. or would want to make it. He came. He came to say goodbye. They joked. Laughed. Took pictures. Avoided each others eyes. they smiled through each others painstaking efforts to not say all that they were holding back. Until that one moment that their eyes met. They were in the standing in the middle of a busy road and it was a Saturday evening. Families were strolling and cars were zooming past them. She held his gaze, and he didn't blink once. The hustle bustle of her favourite city and the city that brought them together was the soul witness of the exchange of a thousand unspoken words between them.

"Last time. One last time." She thought. She reached out. He enveloped her. They embraced for one last time, binding their togetherness, sealing it with their tears. He held her close. She let him. She let her heart follow his uncharted path. He murmured promises of togetherness, she barely heard him. Between her sobs and wiping his tears, she decided to fight for him. They'd never had it easy, and this was no exception..
 He held onto her..and for the one last time she let herself melt into him.

This post has been entered in the Platinum Day of Love contest at Indiblogger.


Jaideep said...

So very beautifully written! :')
I couldn't stop the tears coming from my eyes...
So very well described and the whole flow was, well, amazing to say the least!
Thank you! :')
You're so gonna write essays for me!! :P

Jaideep said...

One suggestion..
Why don't you start weiting a novel or a film script?! Because, for me, nobody can depict emotions and feelings better than what i read just now!
Carry on the great work!

Apurva said...

You flatter too much sometimes!
Maybe because you want me to write your essays. Haha. :)

Thanks. And I am a million light years away from writing a novel or a script. You're too sweet :D

Mohit Udhwani said...


Thumps up !!

You not only write but take us with you

Andi said...

That was an amazing read...!! Even more so because the first half of this post is so uncanny to my life for the past year...!! and it brought tears to my eyes..I am hurting but this post has bathed the hurt in a warm glow, if only temporarily...Thank you from the bottom of my heart..

Apurva said...


Thankyou :) That was very generous of you to say that!

I didn't mean to let those tears flow.. but if it helps you heal, then I'm glad for you. I hope everything works out for you just the way you want it to! And it will. Why not? It's in our hands!

Roshan R said...

lovely prose carrying the sentiment right through to the end.. superb :)

Aman said...

amazing! so well written! i could imagine it all happening! keep up the good work!

Apurva said...

Thank you Roshan and Aman. Lovely compliments! :)
A writer wishes to do just that.. make you feel like you are there. Good to know I could in a way achieve that.
Made my day!

Shravan RN said...

too good, and it almost like the story of my life, except for that i never had that one last time. loved it, related to it.

Anonymous said...

very nicely written. all the best for contest

swarn priya said...'s written so beautifully! Loved it!

swarn priya said...'s written so beautifully! Loved it!

drlawrencekindo said...

Sure, I agree with you about being a bumpy ride, but love shines through. Really beautifully put in words. All the best.

You can read my entry at