Thursday, January 8, 2009

My Ex-Best Friend..

umm hmm..why are you frowning? Never heard of this term? You Can Never..until you experience it and undergo the loss and pain. Well i wont name the person, but by reading it,it will be fairly obvious to the same person that it's about/for him/her. For my few readers..i'l refer to that person as EBF or ex-best friend. I am not writing this to criticize EBF solely, but to vent out my feelings in the true now you are getting to WHY am I not telling HOW EBF became EBF from BFF! Right? I will go through the painful details too..Only because I want my EBF to know that it wasn't a path of orchids ( they are my favourite , not roses) for me contrary to his/her belief. Hmmm..everything was so cool and nice and charmante between us! We were such good friends that people thought we were DATING! I MEAN! For god's sake! Well , it WAS cool..then EBF changed. CHANGED BIG time. For good! He/She hated everything i did , found fault in every MOVEMENT of mine , THOUGHT I was uncool to hangout with. Well, maybe I am, but I was like that before also! Why did you accept me then in the first place? Only to hate me now..?!

Well, I really don't know what you feel about all the shit you have created..You act as if you are affected , repenting , sad, by this incident. Well, I don't see a change in your behaviour or attitude towards me. I am still a piece of shit for you , or so you behave! I always lived in your shadow, you were the darling, not me. You liked the limelight, you got it,NOT ME! I did not complain, because I was happy. Happy that someone understands me, someone cares for me! Or so i thought. I know, I was naive. Maybe I still am. BUT I trust people not to break me into gazillion little pieces, like you did.

And whatever you thought that time , whatever you did that time, whatever you said that time. I forgave you. So that we could be back to being "BFF's". As if it was that easy. But I thought it would be that simple. I did. I actually thought so.

It wasn't as if I was a little angel , and you were the monster. I had my share of bad habits too, which irritated you, but you knew me. You knew my habit for saying things as they are. For NOT behaving practically, for dreaming that things are still okay, when they are not.
YOU KNEW I had pride. YOU knew. You accepted me before. Suddenly , now , you don't.

I have no idea what heinous crime had I committed that you stopped talking to me for a month, in November 2007, without even a reason! I tried so bloody hard to get you back, but you hated me. Suddenly , you are back to normal. You call me, say I am sorry, and I , like an Idiot BELIEVE you. Ha!

What reason do you give me? I was with my guy too much and did not give you time. I was so ashamed of myself! I always thought I was dividing my time equally! I even thought of breaking up. I almost did, but thankfully I did not. THANKFULLY I did not. I say sorry, and make a mental note never to do things to hurt you again. I call up my other friends, who are also close to me, ASK them, how mean was I? Do I not give you time? Am I so selfish? I ask them so that I can repent, apologise and not lose my precious friends.
WHAT does everyone say? I have never ever hurted them by this way. I have always kept my time with them private. I have never let both my time overlap and that I am one of those few people who do this EFFICIENTLY.

I am not self-praising here, only presenting the facts. I swallowed my pride again. I thought maybe I am wrong, maybe everyone else who said the above lines don't need much of my time, and are content with whatever time I spend with them. Maybe EBF needs MORE. OFC, she/he does , he/she was my BFF!

I keep swallowing my pride, over the whole of 2008, or till October maybe, still thinking that we will be back together..share our secret moments..giggle at people with wrong dressing sense..go to each other's place for lunch..dinner..bitch about everyone on this planet..discuss the latest Harry Potter..laugh at each other when we catch one of us with a Face pack on..tease each other..

But as they say, dreams are too good to be true. I realised we will never be back..Whatever I do..You will still hate me..even if I offer my soul to wont be happy. I realised what I was doing for the past year was not needed. You hated me..and you will continue to do so..the reason for this , I guess only you know. But , I still have hope still mean the same to me..
I hope someday..some miracle turns you from an EBF to my BFF again.

Until then, I wait. I wait, as everyday the sun shines and waits for sunset. I wait, as every year the new year's eve waits for the new year. I wait, as the people in the restaurant wait for their dishes to come. I wait, as the guy who has missed his train waiting for the next one. I wait, as the raindrops do for the monsoon to start. I wait, as the moon does for the sun to go down. I wait, as the star does for the right time for it to shine.

I wait.


mysterious gal said...

well i know what is it to lose a best friend i can really relate...just will pray for best :-)

Apurva said...

thnx..i can onli relate when it happens.. thnx a lot..i hope i get him/her back!


even if u get him/her back...m sry to say though u'll be positive...but things DO NOT remain the same...u'll feel 'ajeeb'...

Apurva said...

i know babe..and i know u knw who it :( i so wish dat i get some magic wand with three wishes.. I can so totally use them!

Krishna P. said...

That was a touching 1..girl,i din know all dis had happened before..your an angel..and your good at heart
and 1 thing i that good things do happen to good people
I end this comment with the hope and prayer that things will turn all right between you two and you'll share the fun once again :)

Apurva said...

hmm..i hope the same too.. i desperately do..!

archana said...

baap re,inna ghussa?ufffff..lols
honey don worry woteva happens happens hamesha for the good
so don worry be happy n keep smiling:)

Apurva said...

aww, thnx. I want to be okie..that's all.

Ms.R. said...

over the year, i
ve lost and lost so many BF'F's that I can probably write an essay for each one of them and my april will be over. it sure hurts babe (each time). my heart goes out to you. xoxoxo

CrAzY fReAk! said...

@ Fatty

Aww, I mean it still pinches me, after 1 and a half year, to lose just One.. i dunno how u handled god know how many..! i know u will understand..! thank you! :|
muah! :)